The list of things we had to do is long…
Look at these items that I listed…HOW COULD THIS NOT BE A GOOD THING!!!

Yes, we did fall off the wagon for the last few days…we were far from the perfect couple for the blogging etc…BUT – we were forced (nicely) to think about how we make “us” better everyday!

I am looking forward to the discussion on FULL CIRCLE on Friday…I got to spend time telling Wendy I love her, showing her I love her and than praying and thinking and talking to God about ways to make this marriage better…

I am honored that we were chosen…I am better off today than I was 40 days ago! I pray that watching this and following along helped you to focus on your marriage!

You know, Satan does not want us to succeed in our marriages! If he can get us so focused on other things, so focused on our own needs and what we want…on BEING HAPPY!!!, than we will focus our attention of things other than our marriage! I want to think about having a fantastic marriage. The great thing is this…no matter how good it is…it can be better!!

I look forward to continued work on our relationship privately…but if you continue to follow me on facebook, twitter or my website – you will see my blogs and other things pointing to my relationship with Wendy…My kids are important to me, my career is important to me…my friends and family are important…BUT if my marriage falls apart…well let’s just say, I will do everything in my power to live the love dare everyday of every year to ensure that GOD is #1 in our relationship and that WENDY knows I love her more than anything else…

So – I pray that you were as encouraged as we were…stay in touch!! goto www.kevinpauls.com sign up for my newsletter…

Thanks,

Kevin

It’s Day 39.…and I’m feeling a bit discouraged. Not sure what happened exactly. Just lost the rhythm I guess. I don’t know if I have actually completed any of the Dares from the last few days. It’s true we have been busy – but I’m a believer that you make time for what’s important! So – that excuse doesn’t even hold water for me.

I started to lose steam with Day 33 which focused on including spouse with upcoming decisions. We do that all the time. Most mornings we spend 30 – 45 mins talking over coffee to start the day. And our talks frequently cover upcoming decisions, opportunities etc. So I guess in one sense, I have completed that dare. But I just didn’t feel like I had anything new to share – and I’m afraid people might be getting tired of the response “well, this is something we already do” BORING! LOL

Then came Day 34 – “Find a specific, recent example when your spouse demonstrated Christian character in a noticeable way. Verbally commend them for this at some point today.” We did talk about this one and could think of lots of christian character….but no recent examples. I even asked Kevin to help me find one about him. “honey, tell me a way your have demonstrated Christian character recently” I will say that the first thing that came to my mind when I read that one is that Kevin is very forgiving and doesn’t hold grudges.

Day 35 – we were actually speaking on the program via telephone on this day and Moira asked us about the christian mentor thing. And, we don’t have one. I think for at least the past 10 years, we have been the ones in the mentor role rather than the “mentees” (is that a word?) So, didn’t really know what to do about this dare.

Day 36 – commit to reading the Bible together daily. This is a good one!! While we didn’t start on Day 36, this is definitely one I want to continue!!

Day 37 - praying together. This is something we do…but could definitely do more of! Will try to focus on making Dare 36 and 37 regular habits.

Day 38 - “Ask yourself what your mate would want if it was obtainable. Commit this to prayer, and start mapping out a plan for meeting some (if not all) of their desires, to whatever level you possibly can.” Can I really help Kevin become a Rock Star? (kidding!!)

And here we are back at Day 39. Feeling, as I said, a bit discouraged for falling behind. I have learned a couple things though. 1. Even writing this update/confession has made me feel a bit better. 2. This PROVES the level of intention and awareness that relationships require. It is soooo easy to let life “get in the way” And it’s so important to think about ways to daily invest in your relationship.

And to Kevin, when you read this…..sorry for taking my frustration out on you. I was feeling yucky about falling behind, and was embarrassed by it. And I just wanted YOU to fix it! Thanks for all the sweet and loving things you have done during the past 39 days. Although we’re not officially done until tomorrow – I would give you an A!!

Wendy
ps…didn’t quite make the 1000 words….but I hope I’ve drawn a clear picture.

Kudos to Jeeva and Chris for their updates!! Good job guys.

Here’s our 2 cents.
Kevin & Wendy

Some general thoughts and insights on the entire Love Dare Challenge and also about Day 30 . I do a lot of talking with my hands in this clip- so you can tell I’m really “into it”
Hope there’s something here to help you along the way : )

Wendy

As I said…not a simple concept, but the end result is a perspective on marriage that we don’t often have…a true vision of oneness…WORTH THE SACRIFICE!!

What did you get from today? What was your conversation with your spouse like…di you even go there??

LOVE to hear from you!!

Thanks,

Kevin

Just a quick check in from us. As I mention in the clip, the past couple of days have been mostly “discussion points” in our home. I (Wendy) have held unrealistic expectations of Kevin at many times throughout our marriage (envisioning in my mind the way things “should” play out) but have learned that in doing so, I am often setting myself up for disappointment. And as far as meeting needs – what we came up with is pretty basic stuff…but we are both thankful (Hey…it’s the thought that counts, right?) Wendy

As we mention in the video, today’s chapter begins with “Today will be hard.” It’s tough enough to go looking for your faults…but then confessing them and asking for forgiveness – wow. That is hard.

We chat about some of our thoughts around this and encourage you, as usual, to chat with us on the blog.
Thanks for checking in!

I do feel that even though I have nothing of major consequence to forgive Wendy for…I perhaps need to focus on stuff that is not as big…the little things…

I find that the little things do not seem as big, but the results can be everybit as damaging. So, my job is to talk to Wendy about those “little” things…

This is not always a fun exercise…it is healthy and wise to do this, but it is like pulling a band-aid off at times…I will do this and discuss it with Wendy tonight.

I have to admit after 21 years I have so little to forgive Wendy for…We have worked through so much. The toughest part is maintaining that place of forgiveness…I am blessed!!

I will video tomorrow…

Kevin
www.kevinpauls.com

Remember on our intro video we talked about “airing eachother’s stuff” – well, this is just a funny story that a friend said I should share. So I did : )
(Let’s hope Kevin thinks this is funny – AND hope the officer isn’t tuning in to “the Love Dare” LOL)

OK…before you say to yourself “why is this couple slacking with their video blogs? – What’s the deal?” We have been having some technical difficulties with Youtube. We actually tried 3X yesterday to upload a video update.
So..this one is just visual PROOF that we are still here and still hanging in with the Love Dare Challenge.

Thanks to those of you who have been writing in your comments and experiences. We love hearing from you!
Wendy

This is a very raw look at the last couple days…Wendy and I tend to live out our faith daily…We try to bring it out in daily conversation, we try and talk to our kids about our faith…We do not always do it well!! But in our good times and in our bad times we attempt to stay true to what our faith calls us to…

If we did not share the same faith…wow – i think that would add a stress to our marriage that I could not deal with…NOW – I know that there are many wives or husbands that deal with a non-believing spouse, so I do not want to suggest anything or pretend to know how God is involved in your life or your marriage. I can only speak to my experience…Marriage is tough! I think that the added bonus that Wendy and I see our lives through the same faith lens is vitally important to us! SO – how does faith work in your home? Is it a source of joy, or is it a source of pain or stress? Do you have a spouse that is not on the same page as far as faith? How does that work in your home and how does that effect your daily lives and your marriage?

I never want to assume that 2 Christians will never have any issues in their marriage…FAR FROM THE TRUTH!!! But how does faith come alive in times of trouble? In times of concern or when issues in the home arise…how does faith play a role…

We would love to hear your story!!

Talk soon,
Kevin

Thanks for your prayers & encouragement for the past few days! It’s good to be home and I know I have MUCH to be thankful for!!

The last 2 days have been pretty easy to follow the Love Dare. Love flows more easily from “thankful” hearts!
I would love to hear about YOUR experiences?!

Your thoughts and prayers and kind words meant so much! Just the fact that you cared enough to get in touch and find out what was happening was so great!

Wendy is fine!! We will know this morning if the airline can continue to Haiti or if they need to turn around and come home…I have a feeling the team wants to go and help…don’t know if that is possible. I will keep you all informed here as well as on twitter and facebook!!

Thanks so much!!

Kevin

Today we have the TV crew coming…I assume we will be doing our dare with them today?? who knows…I am playing hookie from church today and cleaning the house and getting some stuff ready for the crew to come. I will let you know how this goes…

Oh yeah, by the way…we are going to be a little different than the other couples as this “love dare” continues…Wendy is getting ready to go away for 8 days on a missions trip…more on that next time!

talk soon…make sure you comment and let us know how this “love dare” is effecting your relationship!!

Kevin
www.kevinpauls.com

But this is good learning…we need to be better aware of how we are saying something…it’s not always the content that is hurtful!

But that said…these first 8 days have been, for the most part positive. Wendy and I are fortunate…we actually like each other!! We are starting from a place of “happy” so…from my perspective this is only an enhancement to the already good marriage!!

The really cool thing is this…even though we both feel that our marriage is good…i have seen times in the last 8 days that it can get a lot better with attention to details!!! A little effort goes a long way!! Intentionally trying to be loving is always a good thing!

Do I recommend this for every couple? YES!!! Stay tuned and we would love to hear from you!!

Kevin
www.kevinpauls.com
(a shameless plug!!)

On another note, one of my reasons for wanting to do “The Love Dare” is that I value authenticity and transparency…so I thought it would be good to mention another “mildly tense conversation” today – even though it doesn’t necessarily relate to today’s dare. Overall, as Kevin mentioned, things have been much more pleasant and peaceful around here due to our focus on “daringly loving” each other. Today, though, it was interesting to see old patterns peek out. I was a bit frustrated and disappointed about some differences in expectations around here. And I voiced it! Kevin had a negative reaction…and told me the way he “heard” what I was saying. The way he received my message was SOOO different than what I had intended…so, we had to really work on the conversation – actively listen and repeat back what we were hearing and then clarifying what we were TRYING to say. I am glad that we put in the time & effort…because soon we both understood what the other was reacting to. We took responsibility for our parts and it was all good! Whew!

Summary – marriage can be hard work – but it’s worth the effort!
Hang in there everyone!!

I have made my lists and we are to wait to use them…but I also had to encourage Wendy with an attribute from the positive list. This is easy for me. This is one thing that comes naturally…I love to shower her with compliments…there are many things I am not good at in our marriage but I think Wendy would agree…being positive is not something I struggle with!

We worked on our office all day, something I find can be very stressful…BUT – I really think that because this love dare is so fresh and on our minds often, we are being more gentle and kind with each other…I like what it is doing in our home!!

I surprised Wendy…while she is out right now i had our new automatic door lock installed…before some of my friends have a heart attack – my neighbor helped me!!!

Anyway…packing it in for the day…looking forward to Wendy’s surprise! Talk soon…will video blog tomorrow!

Our youngest child, Jordan, decided he wanted to be in the background on this one. He must need attention…(like his father ha ha)
This dare is more of a “planning ahead” dare than a “do today” dare. But I’m sure over the course of the 40 days we’ll have opportunities to put it to the test.

Here’s my profound summary: It’s easy to not be irritated when you’re not irritated. But what will happen on “one of those days”?? Let’s hope our learning from today will make a difference!

Things are going well in the Pauls’ household thus far! I think knowing we are going to have to report is keeping us on EXTRA good behavior!!

Thanks for all the encouraging messages from those of you following the Love Dare. We love hearing from you.
And, all the best to those of you who are joining us in this 40 day adventure!

Wendy

Since I didn’t have a chance to buy anything for Kevin on Day 3 (Sunday) that said “I was thinking of you today”….I got up a few minutes early today to sneak out to Tim Horton’s to pick him up a double-double and an apple fritter (good ole Timmies breakfast in bed) The funny part is that I had to raid his coat pockets to come up with the change to buy it LOL I recorded the video just before delivering it : )

This will be fun…

more later on the video!

kevin

The dares are great…being positive, gifts, nice love notes etc…but when you both know what is coming it kind of takes the “fun” out of it. I am going to take this as a challenge and try to go over and above to the point where Wendy is caught off guard…

I will see if I can do it!

Kevin

We didn’t have a chance to post a video yesterday (holiday visiting!!)
But we summarized Day 1 and Day 2 of the Love Dare in this one.

The “Coles notes” version? We both have a heightened awareness of what we say and do that translates into more “filtering” and therefore less negativity, selfishness etc. It IS difficult to do unexpected gestures because we are both doing the dare – and therefore both “watching for things.”

We gave each other a passing grade for Dare 1 and 2!! (only 38 to go)

Wendy

I have to come up with something “unexcpected”

stay tuned…